Thursday, January 28, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
HAPPY NEW YEAR AGAIN!
So here it is 1:20am and I'm wide awake. Not so bad right? WEELLL if you include the full day of work yesterday from 8am-5pm, a nap from 6pm-7pm, sleeplessness from bedtime to 5:30am, to WAKE up time at 6:30am to do an hour drive to work this morning until about 4pm, the hour drive back IN TRAFFIC... I'm home... tired, but not sleepy!
Anyway, that's neither here nor there. A friend and I were talking about 'Best and Worst New Year's Eve/New Year's Day'. I think I shall share my W-O-R-S-T one which ends up being the FUNNIEST one (we realized the humor when we sobered up)... here goes..
The fact that I can't even recall the 'new year' we rang in should alread y clue you in to how 'INTERESTING' this night was! (And how long ago it was, but so interesting, I can remember PARTS of it like yesterday)
(From the" The Hangover"... when I watched this movie, I thought about my NYE night! hehe)
I was in Pearl, MS with my childhood best friends: B and T. Since I had driven from Nashville that day, and T had a new car, we decided that I would NOT drive and we'd cruise the streets in T's new mustang. T was going to be the DD that night because she was going to have a minor surgery that next week and was absolutely sure she wasn't supposed to have any alcohol for a week prior to (shrugs shoulders...oh well... Drive on DD!). Well, B, T, myself and other friends met at B's house to start the night off. As we dressed and did make up, we took shot, after shot, after shot.....after shot... mixed drink... shot.. (you get the picture right?)
Eventually we were all dressed, tipsy and ready to hit the party. The ride there was flawless. (T is NOT a good driver! NOT THAT I WOULD EVER DRIVE DRUNK, BUT if there was a bet on who drives better, ME with one eye taped shut and dddrruunnkkk -vs- T, I'd encourage ALL to put money on me!) We got a close parking spot- perfect because of my 4 inch stilletos, AND because it was quite brisk that night. We got into the party for free (my homie from elememtary school was sponsoring the party). We get in, and instantly find the bar or course, then to the dance floor. Picture here, picture there, laugh, laugh, drink, drink, dance, picture and so on.
This party comes to an end so we pile up in the Mustang to hang out. THIS is when I started take a turn for the FUNNIEST... I do no know how long we drove around after the first 5 minutes. I do remember puttin my head against the back of the passenger seat head rest and BEGGING that who ever was in front of me to "PLEASE LET THE WINDOW DOWN BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO DIE"! (B was in front of me... just like she was on the way there, I just didn't know!) B's house was about 10 miles from the party, but I felt like we had driven for AT LEAST 4 DAYS! LOL ***PLEASE see the 'Sober Notes #1' at the bottom of this post!***
After what seemed to be forever, we FINALLY get to B's place. I remember B jumping out the car and going straight in the house. I remember just sittng there and T finally asked me, 'what are you doing? Get out!" I do remember managing to get out of the car. I literally THREW my shoes to what I THOUGHT was the door of the house. I was able to stand up............. for 0.5 seconds, and I fell. Seems like that fall took a goooood 10 minutes to complete. I remember being on the ground..... why I stayed there, I don't know. I remember seeing break lights **Sober Notes #2**, then I remember jumping up. You'd think I was heading towards the house at this point right? Well- NOPE- WRONG. I some how (and yes, I remember this also) bobbled backwards down the drive way, bounced off the mailbox **Sober Notes #3**, and laid on the hood of my truck! **Sober Notes#4** T was finally able to direct me to the 'light' (door of the house). I do remember CRAWLING in the dewy grass (in slow motion according to T). I DO remember shouting to her 'get my purse, get my purse, my sister gave this to me for Christmas. Don't drop my stuff, get my stuff up!" **Sober Notes #5** I made it in the house just in time to make a drunken mad dash to the bathroom where I flopped down on the toilet! I fell asleep sitting on the toilet with a garbage can in my lap and my face in/resting on the garbage can. I closed my eyes to make the room be still so I could bobble my way to the room.
AAAAHHH! Bed at last!
or maybe not.... :-(
( Fast Forward to the next morning)
The Sober Notes
**#1** I found out that the ride to B's house took so long because they took detours to other clubs just to ride around. I was accused of flipping everybody the 'BIRD' each time we stopped.... the window was already down per my request!
**#2.** I wake up the next morning with a HUGGGEEE impression across my forehead...yep, from sleeping for WHO KNOWS how long with my face pressed against the garbage can rim! As I was trying to detangle myself from the sheets, I felt a very bad sting/burn as the sheets were STUCK TO EACH OF MY ELBOWS!(sigh) I had to rip the sheet off my 'boo boo' from my fall! (Via phone, T eventually explained to me that when I fell, she thought I had gone in right behind B, but she noticed the house door was still open. She said she waited for about 5 minutes or so for one of us to come close it. Neither me nor B did, so T got out her car, walked around the back....and tripped over me! I WAS STILL THERE! (LOL) The break lights that I saw was T putting the car back in park or reverse!!
**#3** The mailbox. Poor Poor mailbox. Apparently when I was stumbling backwards down the drive way, I managed to hit the mailbox so hard until it was at about a 45 degree angle to the ground! To this day, it still has a bit of a 'lean' to it! LOL Apparently, once I bounced and rolled off the mailbox, I went to my truck and laid my upper body on the hood. After I had moved, it was described to me to appear as 'a body outline'! (LOL)
**4** Ahhh yes, the crawl into the house! I was explained to me that I was crawling 'army style' towards the house, all the while holding my new Coach bag over my head. Now is the point in my sobriety that I looked in the purse to find it full of leaves! (LOL I know!). Well, during my crawl, I was trying to pick up 'my stuff' that I THOUGHT I dropped... only, I hadn't dropped anything, it was just leaves.... LOL just leaves!!!!!
**#5** And for the grand finale! In the morning, I managed to squint juuussst right to make it to the bathroom. I step on the bathroom floor, directly...in............water! (HA- bet you thought I was gonna say puke huh?!) Recall the fact that I mentioned 'flopping' on the toilet and falling asleep while there... W-E-L-L turns out, I apparently flopped down so hard that I BROKE HER TOILET! LOL not a 'won't flush' kinda break. I'm talking CHUNK of toilet filling tank shattered on the floor... and bathroom floor flooded! (LOL)I had to conjur up a believable story to tell my parents because I needed THEM to pay for B's toilet! I was a full time student, and working sup-part-time, so I know I didn't have the cash for it. So, B and I decided to tell them that I slipped and fell onto the toilet while getting out of the tub. (Why is this story believable?- because I can be quite the clutz sometimes, so me falling- VERY believable. AND my parents have decided there is a 'right way' and a 'wrong way' to get in and out of a shower. According to them you enter and exit the shower on the end opposite the toilet. Yeah- you guessed it, I ALWAYS go in and out right by the toilet. Not to be defiant, just- it's how I've always done it. So, my story of slippin while getting out the shower was perfect!)
Well, that's pretty much the end of that!
LOL What was your most memorable NYE be it good or bad?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I was looking over some older blogs... (please- feel free to do the same) and I realized that I type a lot! LOL I was going to say 'SORRY', but ya know what- I'm not sorry! I have a lot to say! I like 'story telling', so that's just what I'll do darn it. I hope that whom ever has followed my blogs, (at last some of them and at least a few part of some...) have enjoyed what I've had to say. Of course, I'm open to critiques. I don't think you can 'grow' in anything without suggestions and different points of view of which to view what YOU like doing. I'm not easily offended, so please... if there is something you think I can do to improve, let me know!
Anyway, this is quite random because there isn't a point at ALL to this blog... just noticed that I try to keep my posts 'shorter', but when I finish, they're normally mini novels! LOL
Happy day folks!
Have a great one- I'm certainly going to try!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
By we, I mean women like me who TRY to do things they aren't capable of doing very succesfully. I'm not afraid nor ashamed to say that I've failed... and failed MISERABLY and am obviously a glutton for punishment as I continue to go back for more.
What I'm talkin bout here is 'casual sex', and denial of deep emotion. Now, by 'casual sex' I'm not referring to the meet the stranger at the bar, take them home, knocked em out, pass out, wake up and never remember who you knocked out anyway. No, I'm referring to the 'casual sex' more so along the lines of 'that crush or special someone you've known for some time, but haven't made an official relationship for what ever reason, but for some other reason, just can't NOT be with or see him/her'.
I'll share my 'situation'. For the sake of this 'story', I'll refer to 'him' as 'T.O.' (no reference at all to the NFLer)
In about 2003 or 2004, I was in one of my classrooms, and saw this VERY TALL, SKINNY dude at the door. We were inside having b-day cake for a classmate. I saw this guy, and he flashed a smile as if to say 'hello'. I smiled back. That's just somethign we do in the south I guess. I noticed he lingered by the door so I finally asked, 'can I help you'? He was just being noesy and wanted to know what we were doing. I told him we were having cake and offerend him a piece. He accpeted, smiled again, said 'thanks, see you around' and walked off.
That day, I told my girlfriend India, 'you saw that guy? Yep- that's my new boyfriend.' Mind you I didn't know his name, he didn't know mine...LOL I was just mesmorized by the smile I guess. A few months later I was at a ball and met a girl who I will refer to as Ms. P. Ms. P. and I became pretty cool after that, and I learned that she actually knew 'my boyfriend T.O.' They actually went to undergrad together...and that's how I learned that my boyfriend's name was 'T.O.A.' Later on, through out the school year, we'd bump into each other around campus and via intramural basketball and such. From what I could tell, he was a cool guy, and well, I was ALREADY interested, but grew more and more intersted as time went on. Problem- I had a boyfriend who didn't live in the same state, SO I didn't act very much on my interest in T.O.
We soon found each other out at the same spots on the weekends. We'd ALWAYS dance with each other. I mean working up a serious sweat on the dance floor. To the point where my friend India would just shake her head at us and would always make the comment, 'Ya'll need to just get a room...ya'll dry sexin on the dance floor!". We'd just kinda laugh it off, all the while knowing that we BOTH would have preferred a room and would have preferred more that the 'dry sexin on the dance floor'. We danced so much and so often that people around campus started assuming we were a couple or that we 'had something going on', although, at that time, it was nothing.
One day, India decided that she was going to tell him that I was crazy about him, but I wouldn't say it to him on my own because I had a bf. She did tell him and his response, as I remember it (via India) was, 'Really, wow! That's cool... hmmm she's attractive and all. No, I don't have a gf, but there is somebody 'special' in my life though.' When India told me I was a lil saddened...EVEN THOUGH I did have a bf! (Crazy huh?) Fast forward to September that same year-- We all went to a party that he celebrated his birthday at that year. When I got there and saw him, of course we greeted each other with a hug and a joke or something. By the time I got there, he was already deep in the libations! I didn't mind though, I was used to this side of T.O. It made the night more fun! (Note: we always were 'responsibile... always had a DD) I got him and I a shot to celebrate his bday. He sat beside me, leaned over to me and whispered in my ear the ODDEST thing. He said, 'Hey, I had on my PhD shirt today (he is in grad school for PhD)." I said, 'umm okay, why in the WORLD did you just whisper that to me?" He says, 'because you need to guess what PhD means.' I had NO idea, so I didn't guess. He said, 'it means Pretty Huge Dick'. He proceeds to lick my WHOLE left side of my face and get up and run off! LOL I know crazy! (He's in a fraternity that is known for being 'dirty and nasty' and they are known to 'lick people at random' sometimes). Well the night ended abruptly when a fight broke out. We went our separate ways until about 30 minutes later when I got a call from him asking what our next move was. We had no plans, so I told him we were all going home. He invited us over, but we declined because it was very late (prob 2 am). He then said, 'well, I'm coming to your house..we can watch a movie'. I knew all along that there would be NO movie watching, especially with the state he was in, and the state I was in! (My bf and I had broken up a while prior to this). He gets there, we watch about 10 minutes of the movie before we started making out own in a sense!
I found out later that his 'special someone' had turned into his gf and so I backed off...some. (I know I know... not nice right?!?! but neither did he) We didn't do anything 'bad' other than a harmless flirt or a 'eye' from time to time and of course we danced and laughed when we were out. More time passes, and before you know it, we're back where we started. This would be the 2nd time of our 'sexual encounter'. I was HOPING that we'd make something major out of this. I mean the chemistry was definitely there, pre sex. I was okay with the sexual situation for a while. I told him that IF in the even that I felt like it was too much for me, that I'd have to leave him alone, because I liked him just that much. I THOUGHT I was going to be able to handle that kind of relationship, but learned later on that it would be much harder than I could have ever imagined.
My ex-bf and I got back together for a time, so again, T.O. and I were distantly flirting still. Again, my bf and I parted ways, which opened the T.O. and me situation to go again. This time I tell him and myself the same thing- I don't know if I can handle casual sex like this, but I like you so much...I'm going to try, if it's too much I'm going to leave you alone. That was September of 2008, and to this day, he and I STILL manage to find each other. As a matter of fact, the last time was November 2009 and we don't even live in the same state anymore. AND we've even entertained the idea of 'visiting each other'.
WHY DO I KID MYSELF? SERIOUSLY?
It drives me crazy knowing that he's way up there in TN and I'm down here in New Orleans. It drives me crazy to know that we aren't official, yet when ever we're close enough to each other , we see each other. What's the problem?
The most recent episode that made me rethink this was in ATL. My friend India and I went to ATL for the SAINTS/FALCONS game in Dec. I didn't know that he and his boys were coming too (well, not until all travel plans has been made). We had talked about hooking up of course. Friday- no T.O. Saturday, no T.O. I see our mutual friends at a party that night, but still no T.O. Because our 'situation' has been kind of 'hush hush', I didn't ask his friends where he was (I can't lead on that I'm OVERLY concerned ya know! :-) ). Well my friend India asked one of T.O.'s friends where he was (no, I didn't have her ask, she just knew he was in town, knew those were his boys and she hadn't seen him in 2 years, so she was literally, 'just asking'). Well his boy's response, that I happened to walk in on was, 'Oh, T.O. man, that dude is boo'd up tonight, he not coming. He's got a little friend down here [ATL]. I kinda wander off a while to not let my disappointment show so that nobody would ask 'what's wrong'.
I recently told him how disappointed I was in having to have heard that convo. He apologized for me over hearing it. (Sigh). I appreciated that apology, but would certainly appreciate HIM to my self more. I knew full well I had no basis to go in on him about the other girl in ATL because we are not a couple. We are single, he can do what ever he wants to do. Why do I kid myself by 'holding out in hopes of him and him alone?'
Am I kidding myself? Do I love this guy? Is this why my relationship did work out with the ex? Am I overly infactuated with this guy? Am I fighting a losing battle hoping and wishing that the chemistry between us catches fire? Am I kidding myself hoping that he'll eventually fall for me like I've fallen for him?
I think I think about him so much until I've created a different persona in my mind than what he may really be? Maybe? hmmmm? He's pretty much what I THINK I need in my life as far as a man. Tall, dark, handsome, killer smile, athletic, family oriented, very well educated, own place, own car, likes kids, self motivated, very caring, funny, cuddly and the works. Am I kidding myself to think that all of this can be for me exclusively? Damn it! I HATE not KNOWING!
Why do we put ourselves in situations like this? I mean, I KNOW he's not my boyfriend, yet I get just as angry if I hear he's out with another girl as if he IS. I make time for him. He USUALLY makes time for me (the ATL situation was a new thing... HOPEFULLY a one time mishap). I'm actually entertaining the idea of a visit soon. Am I kidding myself to think that ANYTHING will EVER fully develop of this situation other than hot sex and fun flirting? He'll be graduating soon and PROBABLY heading back up north where his home is (DC area). I was thinking, had we developed something more prior to me moving, I wouldn't have had a problem moving with him back to DC and I'm a southern girl to my heart! Or if not to DC, I would have been open to discussing a 1/2 way point between his home (DC) and my home (MS). Am I kidding myself to think something like this could still happen?
Okay- that will be all!
Friday, January 1, 2010
It's a new year and guess what! I'm still flippin single! (aarrrgghh) What in the world do I need to do? Like seriously!!
Here's what I have:
-30 years old
-own apt (soon to be house in a few more months)
-very giving and caring
-quite family oriented
And that's just a LITTLE bit of me... SOOO much more the more you are around me and get to know me.
In Nov 2009, I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. He was a cool guy, I can't deny that, but so many things needed to be improved or changed. We had been together off and on for 5 years. I moved to New Orleans in July 09 for my residency program, where he is from. We spent a lot of time together. A month later, he quit his job. (Oh- yeah, so he's like 4 years younger than me, still in undergrad, was living wiht his parents until I moved here. He was never very good with money, but was always fun as hell and very attentive and 'loving'.) Anyway. He moved in with me after aobut 3 weeks. I was excited- it was the first time we had lived in the same city since we met. After about 4 weeks after moving there, he decided to quit his job- WITHOUT HAVING ANOTHER ONE LINED UP...AND AGAINST MY SUGGESTION OF WAITING UNTIL HE HAD ANOTHER JOB! Okay, so I was trying to be the 'supportive girlfriend' and take care of the bills. Take care of everything x 2. Mind you, I'm a resident- SOOO not making a WHOLE LOT of money, but I tried. I encouraged him weekly to look for a job. He'd ask me DAILY to 'borrow' money. I'd foolishly give it to him. He got on a kick where he was 'going to job fairs', so I got him some slacks, a nice shirt, a nice tie, adn some shoes for his job fairs and interview. Even helped him get is resume together... (Again, me doing what I THOUGHT was 'supportive girlfriend stuff'). 3 months later, I'm STILL handing him 'loans'. I'm still paying for ALLLL the food he gobbles up (he had a stupid habit of "smoking" and getting VERY VERY hungry afterwards -wink-, so he ate everything in sight... and NEVER replaced anything). SO I'd get home from work hoping to have a snack- and it's GONE! (SIGH). Eventually he and I had huge fight about my 'relationship status' on FB (yes LOL on FB people). It was 'single' Why? I don't know- I just never changed it and everybody on there that I talk to, knew about him, so I never thought much of it. When he told me it pissed him off, I told him I'd change it. THAT WASN'T ENOUGH for him..he yelled and bitched for an hour more... (sigh). I change it..and a few months later he wants to yell about how WE sit on the sofa and WE play on my FB account. He claims I 'never give him attention'. WHAT?!?! All we do is goof off and what not. He wants to complain that I go to bed too early and that I always left him on the sofa. WEEELLL HELLO STUPID- I work everyday- you don't You don't have to sleep at night! ANDDD YOU opt to go out and smoke then come home and pass out on the sofa...NOPE- not gonna wake u up like a 5 year old every night. ANYWAY...
We end up parting ways because of his refusal to grow up and accept responsibility as a man..and as the man he COULD BE, the one I NEEDED him to be, for me and for us. I haven't felt particularly sad about it though, because I think it was something that needed to be done...
On the flip side...there's a guy (my crush I've written about before) I've know just as long as I've known the ex. Me and this guy have been involved over time too (about 5 years...mainly during the extended months/year or what ever the ex and I weren't together). I know this guy has more of the attributes I desire in a man (i.e. tall, dark, handsome, killer smile, very driven, PhD candidate May 2010, funny, athletic, sweet, family oriented...). I know he likes me, we've spoken about it. We chit chat from time to time and everything... but WHAT THE HELL DOES HE WANT FROM ME? LOL He knows how I feel about him, yet he doesn't really act on it.
My question is: do you not act because you are just that shy? Do you not act because you really aren't that into me, but you act like it? DO you not act on it because you do like me, might want to give it a try, but we live far apart? Do you not act because you do like me, very intereted in giving it a try, just not READY for the whole 'one woman' thing right now? I don't know!
I guess I won't know for a while either huh? so until then, I'll be pretty much like the cartoon at the top...LOL single and waiting to catch the perfect man!