Friday, October 1, 2010

WTF fella?!?!

I got this video from my homie Tunde over here at Check him out...he's got pretty good stuff over there...

Apparently I tend to enjoy the 'debates' on what women want/men want in relationships. And when I saw this video, I felt overly compelled to respond! LOL It's all in fun..with a twist of TRUTH! The video...

My Responses:
Thing #5-'s not that I'm a broke bitch.. We normally KEEP money because the boo normally pays for it. I'm not asking cause I don't have.. I'm asking so I can KEEP mine! LOL You not having now means you REALLY are broke and obviously DUMB to think I wouldn't already have it! :-)

Thing #4- Oh... the lil dick was ALWAYS an issue. We just kept getting what we wanted, so we tolerated and celebrated the baby paynus to boost your ego. Your boosted ego= my pockets stay on swole cause I'm spending YOUR cash that you apparently don't really have... because ..well refer to #5... LOL

Thing #3- well.. this one was just funny.. 'P*ssy ain't supposed to come with a pop quiz!' HAHAHA (oh..BUT yes- the paynus is STILL small... but I STILL need YOUR money that you probably don't really have to get my nails and hair did... LOL so yes...I will scream and act the part... refer to Numbers 5 and 4 pls!)

Thing #2- This one is funny too.. but I Wish a mudda flucka WWOOUULLLDDD lay his hands on me... LOL I'd kick him in his lil baby paynus THEN call the cops! LOL

Thing #1- YESSS I wanna know dayum it. I wanna know so I can get the neccessary tests if needed.. YESSS I wanna know..and if you say yes.. Imma be all up in yo face.. and Imma dare that you hit me..cause if you do..Imma (pls refer to #2). LOL But seriously... don't we can't handle the truth..we can handle the truth... we are just if you say something that's hurtful, we will react. If you tell me you cheated and I DON'T react... May I suggest that you vacate the premisis and do NOT..I NOT eat the spaghetti! :-)

Just a little rant... that's all...

Earlier today, I saw a tweet from a friend that said (in so many words):
Never take love advice from someone who is single and never take financial advice from someone who is broke

Now I've heard this before, but seriously people... WHY?!?!

Anybody stop to think that the advice the single person gives can actually be good? Anybody ever stop to think that the single person is single because he or she actually bettered them selves by DROPPING a mate who was no good? Anybody ever stop to think, 'hey, he/she might be single because he/she was tired of dragging along dead weight (the bf/gf)'. 'Hey, let me ask him/her how did he/she gather up the courage enough to break free and upgrade?' (and by upgrade in this situation, I mean from involved and miserable to single and grand). Anybody ever consider that?

And the one about the financial advice. WHY NOT take advice from a broke person? THe broke person has GOT to know how to lose money... So if he or she can tell you how to lose money..take that advice and tweek it (and by tweek it I mean- do the opposite!) Anybody ever stop to think that the broke fella/lady has learned from his or her financial mistakes and now can offer advice on how NOT to go broke? Hmmmm?!?

Yeah- sometimes cliches just sound 'profound', but are they really THAT deep? C'mon folks.. if you THINK you won't have to spit out cliches to sound all philosophical and 'deep'.

Anyway- random rants... LOL I'm done!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Ohhhh I'm telling.....


Kristina and her date Michael are out for a night on the town. Kristina is enjoying her night out, dancing the night away. Michael walks away to get more drinks from the bar. In the mean time, Kristina looks over to her left to notice Eric. Not out of the ordinary because Eric is a local socialite, so no big deal right? WRONG! Eric happens to be dating Kristina's best friend Melissa. Kristina and Michael had planned a double date with Eric and Melissa but it didn't work out because Melissa told Kristina that Eric told her that he was too sick to go out, and that he was going to chill home alone for the night. As Kristina waited for Michael to return with the drinks, she sees a little young thang walk up to Eric and they engage in an embrace; one that appeared more than just friendly in nature. And immediately after the hug came a pretty long lip lock. At this point, Kristina is furious. Eric and Melissa had been dating for months now, and Kristina had seen him enteract with Melissa. He acted as if Melissa was THE ONLY ONE for him. He acted as if he'd never ever do anything to hurt her- of course, this means he wouldn't cheat.

Michael finally arrives with the drinks and notices Kristina visibly upset. Kristina gives Michael the run down. She also tells Michael what she had decided to do about the little situation unfolding in her face. Michael stongly disagreed. What was she gonna do you ask? Well, Kristina had decided to approach Eric. Not to 'cause a scene', but just to 'speak' or to make her presence known. Michael's idea was to 'leave it alone, it wasn't her business'.....

Who's right? Is Kristen doing the right thing by making her presence known to Eric? Should she tell her friend Melissa that Eric is a big fat liar and he's not sick, but out at the club lip locking with some other girl? Is Michael right? Should Kristina just leave it alone and pretend that she sees nothing and live with the fact that her BFF's love is no good? What would you do?

****I have a good idea of who will answer how! I just think it's interesting how our brains work when it's man -vs- woman'. Let's see what answers we get!*****


Saturday, July 10, 2010

That GOOD BRAIN.. crazy head game!

~~The words never came out- so put the listner inside the head to see everything that's floating all around~~

I wish I could some how figure out
how to sit you right smack dab in the middle of my cerebral cortex
so you can watch my emotion as I text
It's just loungin in the frontal lobe all planned out
...shit just never makes it out my mouth.

So Imma give this brain game a try.
sit there and watch the emotions fly-

Why the FUCK you never took me seriously?
Until you were all in side the pussy
....all in my ear
telling me how good IT was... but never ME...
it was never ME.

Don't jump offensive
you're not all at fault,
I got caught...
caught up in the trickery of my parietal.
Lost in what was so visibly appealing to me
and sexually fulfilling ya see.

I forgot to step back and see
that you weren't really diggin me,
only diggin IN me.

you still with me?

I mean, seriously!!
tha dayum brain got ME open-
And I'm not copin'
with shit the way I should...
I really do wish I could...

just fix the short circut in this frontal zone!

I can't analytically or critically make sense of me
being so emotional over you...
what the hell did I do?
other than want us to be.
I mean,
Cerebrally, physically, sexually we were perfect- to the T
emotionally, I'm scared a bit

...just makes me sick
I never did fit
in to your world
the way I thought I'd be...

....Retrospectfully speaking Frontally
responsibility was majorly on me-
I didn't call the shots
to make you stop-
I gave you the gateway-
an open ticket to come play...
Fuckin parietal wouldn't let me say
"I need more from you"

Now you with her-

And I just gotta
mend and nurse my
medulla oblongata...

Ahhh that's good Brain...

Sunday, June 6, 2010

New Projects

Hello all! this won't be a long post! (can you believe it?!!?) Just a post to link my blog to my other site!



Tuesday, May 18, 2010

What They Don't Know Won't Hurt Em....

So I recently saw this linked to a FB page. I clicked it and was a lil ummm... confused I think. Click the the clip.... (Imma just finish ranting down below the video)

So, the little girl saw 'light/white' as good and 'dark/black' as bad. N0w, sure, that's how they do it in the movie world. The pretty little angel dressed in white is 'good' the bad villian is in all black.

NOW- did this little girl use that logic for her answers? OR did this lil girl exhibit what I like to think of conditioned subconscious unintentional racism?
*so, I just came up with that phrase, but it works right? LOL*

I'd like to think that little girl doesn't have a full grasp of the concept of what a 'white person' and a 'black person' and/or the negative stereotypes that accompany the color.

What I'm SURE she has seen and learned... is that traditional 'grab the purse with a 'dark skinned person' come near. Or the stereotypical, 'protect that kid when the 'dark skinned people come by'. Or 'quick- lock the door, dark people are coming by'. The mom claims they've never had the talk about 'races' but communication involves more than just verbal communication. A child soaks up information both positive and negative. They soak it up in all forms. They may NEVER say anything, but pay attention to their actions! From the mouths of babes... I tell ya.

So some people tend to think that silence is the key- that 'what they don't know won't hurt em', but clearly in a situation like this- what they don't know is wreaking havoc on society. Talk to your kids. Teach them what's right! Let them know that a person's skin color has NOTHING to do with being good or bad, dumb or smart, pretty and ugly.

Hell, if it helps, make some picture flash cards to drive home the point! How about a flash card of Michelle Obama to portray good with dark skin -vs- Amy Winehouse to show an example of bad with light/tatted/often dirty skin. How about one past president -vs- a current one for examples of dumb and smart? (OKAY OKAY OKAY- that was too much...LOL let me give another example for that one. BUT- keep in mind, this is MY blog, MY opinions). For 'Dumb -vs- Smart' use a pic of the All boys' school that just awared ALL their graduating sr the college scholarships THEY EARNED- yeah- they are all of the 'dark skinned' persuasion. Pair them with the 'dumb' of the lacrosse player who murdered his lacrosse GF recently... mmmm yeah, he's from the 'light skinned' group. (Pretty sure murder ain't smart or good). Pretty -vs- ugly (well this one is strictly opinion) BUT may I suggest using a pic of Gabrielle Union or Jada Pinkett Smith for the 'pretty brown/dark people' -vs- a pic of Courtney Love or a younger Dakota Fanning- yeah, those were tough to look at to me!

consider this 'vent' over now...
HOWEVER, I am going to work on another post concering a show I saw called 'What Would You Do'....ever heard of it? if not- stay tuned!

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Saddened by more than the obvious!

Below is a link of the Nashville Tennessee Flood 2010. With it of course are comments from viewers. Take a minute to watch this 4minute video, check a few of the comments before continuing with this blog.

Now, I don't know if any of you caught it, but there were some pretty nasty shots at the Katrina situation.

Then comments went even further left with the likes of these:

One of the comments (and I paraphrase) was along the lines of:
'Nashville flooded, we didn't stand on roofs waiting for fedearal assistance, we got out and have already started to regroup on our own.'

If you take a moment to think about it- you can't help but consider the financial difference in the two areas. New Orleans (at least the portions most affected by the flood) is not as 'affluent' as most of Nashville. When the warning about Katrina came to NOLA, the residents braced for the potential flood. (I mean, NOLA sits between the lake and the river... it will flood if somebody spit in one of the bodies of water!). So the residents knew there was potential 'bad weather' with 'potential flood', but OMG- over the hears how many bouts of 'bad weather' and 'floods' have these people survived. No doubt in my mind, they braced and prepared the best way they knew how. They prepared THEIR 'hurricane/flood' survial plans/kits. NOBODY knew Katrina's water would do what it did. So, when the leeves did break, and pumps did fail, their USUAL flood plans weren't enough... THAT's when the cries for help started. I'm sure if the NOLA residents KNEW they would have
5-20+ ft of water in and around them and homes), that they would have stayed. Do you? Then there is the issue of 'affording to leave'. Sadly, people in NOLA don't have that 'extra' money to just up and go. (MIND YOU- I'm not saying they don't have the money because they can't or don't work or because they gamble/drink it away... the point I'm trying to make is that... THERE ISN'T A LOT OF MONEY for the MAJORITY of the families that live here). Anyway- so, some of the people stranded here probably WANTED to leave, but didn't have the car. They didn't have the bus/plane/train fare. The didn't have the money for a hotel stay for God knows how long. So they opted to stay and 'wait out another NOLA flood'. Nashville on the other hand, GENERALLY SPEAKING, the population seems to be a bit better off in the financial department. THEN, how often is there a HUGE FLOOD in Nashville? SO the mention of 'flood' probably strikes the image of Katrina's flood, which prompted several to evacuate early. The city doesn't typically 'deal with' floods on the regular like NOLA- again, prompting Nashvillians to leave earlier. (I kinda equate that with people in California... tell them an earthquake is coming, they'll brace for it but won't leave...they're 'used to it'. Tell ME (in New Orleans) an earthquake is going to hit, I INSTANTLY envision Haiti, and I'm packed and OUT!)

*I removed the poster's name* where is Obama? the Fed. Government? Oh, forgot, they dont care about white people 7

ARE YOU SERIOUS poster? I know this was spawned from the Kanye moment during the awards show, but serious? Obama don't like white people? LOL isn't he part white? or other? or something? LOL ignorant comments are the worst! I did not and do not agree with Kanye's comment BUT... I can kinda..a little bit.. see his 'rationale'. I mean it DID appear that Bush pretty much was like 'FUCK YA'LL NOLA... I'm going to play golf/vacay/sleep' during the whole Katrina situation. Just seems to me that it took WAY too long for somebody to say, 'hey, let's use buses and get these people outta here'.

*poster's name removed* why isnt there the media coverage? cos obama doesnt want to be blamed for it like bush got blamed for what happaned after Katrina and plus obama is racist he dont care about white people

Now- I might be crazy for this line of thinking, but if I am crazy- it's MY BLOG and I'm allowed to be! (LOL). BUT I don't think there is real blame to be placed on anybody; at least not for the WHOLE oreals. With Katrina- New Orleans didn't flood BECAUSE of Bush. Nashville didn't flood BECAUSE of Obama. New Orleans was in a bad way (in reference to the leeves) for a long time- even PRIOR to Bush's terms.. (prob even before/during his dad's term). Katrina (the natural disaster) came. The waters rose (again- natural), the leeves broke (HERE is the issue!). Now- was the pressure just so much that the leeves would have broken EVEN IF THEY had been repaired and pumps had been repaired when the first 'issues' were brough up? Who friggin knows... WHAT WE DO KNOW is that the leeves needed repair. The pumps needed revamping PRIOR to this flood... SO Katrina (the natural disaster) was quite possibly made worse by MAN's oversight/mistake/neglegence. Nashville on the other hand,was rain, and rain only (as far as I know it). I did hear talk of leeve breeches at one time, but none actually broke (I don't think- if I'm wrong, please correct me!) Not a whole lot Obama can do to stop the rains. Wasn't a think Bush coulda done to stop the hurricane. Where I think the 'difference' is, is that Bush could have organized his people better to evacuate those stranded in the flood of Katrina.

If Katrina was the biggest failure of Bush's presidency, why isn't this the biggest failure of Obama's?

While I don't blame Bush himself FOR the flood...I do fault him for not managing his teams better in order to more quickly give help to those stranded. That in deed was a FAIL! Obama on the other hand... well, I don't see Nashville's flood to be as dynamic as Katrina. A flood- yes. A horrific display of mother nature's destruction- yes, but no where NEAR as many stranded. No where near as many deaths (but any life lost is a life lost and is a sad situation though). Again, Obama couldn't stop the rain. Bush couldn't stop the hurrican. From what I've heard, there were some rescues involved in the Nashville flood, but not on the scale of those needed for Katrina. Why would there be 'blame' to be placed anyway?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Just a Vent I think...

I turned 30 back in November. I didn't go through the 'omg- I'm old, I'm 30' thing. I actually welcomed it. With it, of course, did come the thoughts of, 'my gosh, here I am 30 years old, single, no kids, and JUST getting started in my career... am I behind?!?!? sheesh!'

Growing up, I was always the 'baby' of my group of friends (mostly by a month or two, but they liked to refer to me as the baby...LOL). Well upon my 30th bday, I made a pact to myself that I wouldn't go through another year worrying about what a guy is missing in me. I promised me that I wouldn't keep makign excuses as to why things weren't working. That I wouldn't linger on situations that were not benificial to me (as well as to him- whom ever he might be).

My homegirl told me this in reference to my 30th bday, 'Girl, 30 is like the light FINALLY comes on. You'll be so shocked as how fast you can recogonize bullshit, and you can then decide for yourself which way you want to go with it. It's crazy! It's like the age 30 brings about this extra sense of self. You're more aware of things, you aren't afraid to face things that previously may have made you nervous and what not.'

I'll be darned if she wasn't right. I don't know if it's that being 30 has this 'power' for real, or if it was just because of the 'power of suggestion', but things have certainly changed since November 2009- for the better. Not that all the changes felt good, but the outlook as a result seems MUCH brighter. For example: I got rid of an extra 300lbs early on in November simply because he was too heavy to carry. In more ways than one. After 5 years of 'trying', I finally admitted (out loud) to his face that enough was enough. I showed him the exit he had been writing for at least the last year. I haven't looked back in regret at all. (I'm not gonna try to paint a picture of him as a HORRIBLE person, we had good times in deed, but well ya know the good didn't outweigh the bad...)

Another of my 'revelations' is the fact that I realllly do already know what's what with this other situation. I THINK I've always known it deep down in side, but I kept holding out hope that things would change for the better (as I always do). Well, now-a-days, I think I 'cope' pretty well with it because I don't expect much more than 'what it is'. I'm about 60% sure that this is just what this is and not much more growth will come (in a romantic way at least- mainly from his part). I still haven't pinpointed the 'why' yet. I don't know if time should be invested to KEEP trying to figure out the why. You'd think just the 'KNOW' would be enough for me to move on, but truth of the matter is... something's got a hold on me and I can't shake it right now. But, something's gotta change- I can't keep strappin my self in for the emotional rollercoaster that I keep going on... LOL I'm all dizzy and discombobulated now- it's making me sick! LOL
I think the ride is in coast mode and I'm anticipating fewer and fewer loop-de-loops. I came awfully close to a power failure this past weekend, but darn it, some spark ignited it, and steamed it along a bit more... ohhhh it's coasting now... coasting in deed... (sigh) I keep reaching for the emergency break, but I never pull it... The ride is just as fun as it is sickening... Maybe I need to smash my head before I admit, again, out loud, that I've gotta stop!

*** end vent sequence now***

Sunday, February 21, 2010

can you be my baby daddy?!?!

I was watching one of the not-so-reality shows a few weeks ago- Let's Talk About Pep. On this particular episode of the ladies brought up an issue of being single, getting older, and wanting kids. She mentioned that her therapist (or somebody) told her that if she was ready for kids, and was single, she should find a guy she deemed 'worthy' of donating to her 'make me a kid' foundation, ask him if he would be willing to be the 'father' and go from there.

At first I was like 'WTF'!!! WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD SOMEBODY DO THAT! But then I had a tiny reality check! (LOL). Here I am, single as a penny in a broke man's pocket, not getting any younger- I'm now in the dirty 30 club, and pretty successful. I'm attractive (at least to me and to some), I'm fun to be around, easy to get along with and all that jazz... BUT STILL SINGLE. And I want kids! Sure- I want the 'boyfriend' who turns into the 'fiancee' who becomes the husband and father of my kids. Reality is- ummm I can't seem to find him, he can't find me, he doesn't exist or something! So, is that idea of finding somebody to father your children such a bad idea? I don't know if it's something I'd do right now, but it is a thought.

I posed this question to a guy I know. This guy being a guy I'd really ask if I was REEEALLLY at that point in life. He's what I consider 'top notch' kinda guy (shrugs). He's handsome, athletic (that always helps!), very smart, fun, and funny. I'd say he could help make a fairly good kid... LOL. Well when I asked him, this is how I posed the question:
"Let's say in a few years I wanted to have a baby. We both are single. I ask you to be the father...Would you consider it? [btw- I'm not really asking, just wondering]"
His response was:
"No. I wouldn't. That's not the order."
My reply:
"Hmmm good answer, BUT there are lots of things we (people) do that aren't in order...Y pick and choose? Hmmmm
He says:
"I pick and choose because I can, lol"

Interesting huh?!?!

Anyway, I don't know if guys understand...wait... I KNOW guys don't understand how we work...LOL They don't realize that we can only produce babies for so long...where they can pop a blue pill to get it up and make babies until they're lowered in the ground. WHY not help an aging woman out? LOL it's not like I'm BEGGING for you to stick around and help raise the child. IT WOULD BE GREAT of course, but certainly not required. (Of course, I don't think if I went this route, I'd pick somebody I didn't trust. Somebody I wouldn't feel proud to call my baby's father and so on. I'm sure if it got to this point, the guy I'd consider would probably insist on being in the child's life in some capacity.)

Is it a crazy idea? Is it far fetched to consider this option for older single ladies?

Anyway... just random thinkings...


Thursday, February 18, 2010

Why am I the BAD GUY?!?!?

Wanna hear about my past week? Like to hear it...well here it go-

Well, I was invited to Dallas for All-Star Weekend (Feb. 14). I was kinda excited... New guy-friend was doing well... Plans changed quickly when I found out I was on call. I tell the new guy and he's like 'no problem, I'm coming there anyway, so we'll meet up and do something'. I'm like, 'good deal...see ya then'. This is what by day...

Monday= HIM: 'My homebody and I rented a car, and he's setting up butt-action, so he took the car... you wanna come pick me up? If not, I won't be able to see you til tomorrow'. ME: 'Ehhh tomorrow it is then'. HIM: 'that's messed up... you should come get me'. ME: 'Ehhh, tomorrow it is then... or else ummm never it can be.' (LOL... well- I don't know him like that to be shuttling his ass around... I was gonna MEET him out..not RIDE WITH HIM and vice versa)

Tuesday= HIM: 'We're stuck on the bridge in traffic, and we're running out of gas...we'll never make it to the [Saints Victory] parade. ME: 'well that's okay, we're going to bourbon me when you make it there. HIM: 'come get me, we're stuck and we're running out of gas'. ME: 'well that was silly...why drive when you're on E- you never know what traffic will be like...and no, I'm not getting in all that traffic... I don't know you for you to be all up in my car and stuff... no me if/when ya'll make it to Bourbon'. HIM: 'see, that's that bullshit'. ME: 'oh..the parade is starting... call AAA...I can't hear you... bye". (I mean, what he want me to do? that was stupid!...LOL)

Wednesday= HIM: 'we're going out to the Republic... come meet us'. ME: 'aight, let me call my biz...see ya then..' HIM: 'oh, we at the W right's our first stop. ME: 'cool...I'm coming in now...come to the lobby. HIM: <15 minutes later> Oh hey...there you are, I been looking for you... (A LIE- the spot has ONE door in and ONE door out...LOL). ME: Umm hmm... when are we going to the Republic? HIM: 'now' ME: 'aight...see you there'. HIM: I have the VIP bracelet...let me get you one... ME: 'excellent'. HIM: <20 minutes later> Oh hey...ummm there you are. (MIND YOU I HADN'T MOVED!!!) I enjoyed my lil time, then told him I was going home. HIM: 'yeah, this party is kinda wack...I'm leaving too... I'm coming by your place'. ME: "umm I can't stop you from leaving, but you will NOT be at my place tonight'. HIM: 'see, that's that bullshit.. .I mean fuck... do I not look good or something?" <<>> ME: yeah, you cute...but you gonna be cute in what ever hotel you got... I'll see you tomorrow. HIM: 'see, I can't stand bi...I mean girls who too good to give it up on the first night.' ME: see, it's patients like you who have to visit the clinic a lot too... goodbye, good night... get home safely...get to dallas in piece..and PEACE.

THEN the 22 year old who is trying so hard... (sigh) can't do it KIDDO! Just can't DO IT... maybe it's me, but that is WWWAAYY young for me... I think I'm too young to start such COUGAR action...don't cha think! LOL

NOW- I'm the bad guy...LOL why I gotta be the bad guy?!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

"wet wednesdays' (via Twitter)

Again... with keeping with the Twitter Themes... today's theme is 'Wet Wednesdays'. I decided I'll get more involved in the trending topics especially since it involves two of my most favorite things...twitter and writing.
Stacy (@slhamilton25)- I'm writing this with you in mind- not on no freaky/lesbo stuff...but as your freaky/nasty mind as inspiration...LOL Let's see what I come up with...

...And then she rolls over to see him laying there, sleeping quite soundly. She watches him sleep and tries to figure out how such a being could be a gentle soul, yet such a sensuously savage beast when the time is right. She smiles as she catches that first clip from the highlight reel they've been building for the past few months. She starts to feel all flush with fever with just the thoughts alone. Her mind is racing, going back to last night and how it all went down. She remembers the phone call from him: 'Hey, so what you getting in to tonight?' She replies, 'Oh, nothing, planned as of yet, but it's still early, we'll see'. He chuckles then says, 'well regardless of what the plans are, be sure you get at me later aight.' Being the cool chic she is, she contains her excitement because she knew exactly what that meant, and responded, 'yeah, aight... like I said, we'll see.... I'll talk to you later'.

The night progresses and of course she and her girls hit the club. After only minutes of being in the spot, she spots him across the way. She smiled and the felt all weak instantly- as usually. Apparently he spotted her too because her phone vibrated in her pocket, sending chills up her spine. The text read: 'one of us needs to be careful with the drinking tonight, one of us have to get us to my place'. She ignored the text because she already knew what was up.

At some point in the night, they end up doing what they do best. The dance and dance and dance. Mimicking the motions that makes blood rush to those special places. It was almost as if they were a lock and key fit, the way their bodies locked and moved as one to each beat of the music. She felt his excitement grow as she swayed, gyrated, and popped her ass on him. At random, he could only hold her and breathe in her ear- making her come close to losing all control. By the time the DJ announced, 'last call' and played that final song, they were both in a zone, ready to get home, but having fun letting it all build up.

She remembers when the party was over they both some how detached themselves to return to their respective groups of friends to head home. She thought about that text that he she was sending him one. She read the text that read: 'I'll be home in 10 minutes, I expect you in 11". She sent him a text that gave very simple and direct instructions: 'leave the door unlocked, get ready'.

Moments later, she was at his door, trying to not appear too super eager to get inside...for him to get inside of her. She took a deep breath, opened the door. Pitch black. She called out to him. No response. She closed and locked the door and moved slowly towards his bedroom. She called out to him a second time. Out of nowhere, he was behind her, pressing her up against the bedroom door. "You want me to get ready? You need to be ready... I've been waiting for this all night'. He spun her around, and all but ripped her dress off her body. She loved it, every second of it... loved being 'handled' in such a manner. He begin to trace her body with gentle kisses, nibbles, and licks... paying close attention to her breasts, as they heaved with each of her deep breaths.

Before she could adjust her self against the wall, he dropped to his knees and buried his head under her skirt. Licking her clit like is was the very last piece of his most prized candy. Savoring each and every taste. Part of her wanted to tell to stop for a second, just so she could catch her breath and take the rest of her clothes off, but each time she had that thought, she forgot it when he plunged his tongue in and out of her vagina over and over again. He stood up, she thought it was over for a second. This was only a pause for him to throw her onto the bed. She lay there watching him come towards her, not knowing what else he had in store. He grabbed her by the hip, and flipped her onto her stomach. He caressed her ass, and kissed her ass, and in one smooth movement, he spread her, to make enough space for his face. He tossed her salad like he was a die hard vegetarian!

She started to mumble, trying to get him to stop, but his response, in between licks, was 'just chill out, relax, enjoy yourself, I know I am'. She knew she was just about at her limit. Apparently he knew too as he pushed her up to the doggy style position. His most favorite position. He still wasn't ready to enter her overly moist vagina. He slid under her like a mechanic fixing a car and encouraged her to ride his face. She didn't put up a fight, she obliged and then she came. He laughed a bit, because that as his plan all along. As she lay there, again trying to catch her breath, he laid on top of her, and whispered in her ear...'you done? I know you're not done'. Then, as if she wasn't just damn near licked to sleep, she mounted him. She had a tendency to never back down from a challenge. Especially not a sexual challenge from the best she'd ever had. She had to let him know she appreciated everything he had done for her a few hours before. She leaned down to his ear and started nibbling and kissing and licking. That was just the starting point. She worked her way down to where his boxers rested, and she swirled her tongue over and over. She knew that drove him crazy! She skipped the dick, and jumped to the inner thigh area. Swirling the tongue again- as he sang, 'oh shit, oh shit, oh shit'. He knew what was about to happen. She removed his boxer briefs just enough to receive him into her mouth. She sucked his dick just the way he liked it. To the point where she could feel his muscles flinching time and time again. He grabbed the top her head, grabbed a hand full of her hair and guided her in the rhythm he needed. She didn't mind at all, again, it turned her on to be dominated in the bedroom. With one sturdy tug, he pulled her up and instructed her to 'get on'. She climbed on and allowed his rock hard dick to fill up the wet vagina that had been calling out for him for the last 1/2 hour. They fucked like fucking was going completely out of style. Remembering that she had gotten hers one or 4 times, she paid special attention to her man. Giving him what he needed to release. She knew he was no match for her ass in motion when he hit in doggy style, so she got into position and invited him in. He stroked, and stroked, and stroked. Before long, his breathing pattern started to change, and the stokes became quicker and harder and deeper. With each thrust, she thrust back, causing him to get close and closer. He finally started to moan, at that point, she quickly turned around and let him fuck her mouth to his finish.

They must have tried every position in the book and created a few in the process. By the time they were finished, there was not one single article of bedding remaining on the bed. The lamp on the night stand was barely hanging on, thanks to the wall. She was pleasantly sore... very pleasantly that is. She fell asleep all wrapped up in him.

In the midst of her flashback replay, she must have forgotten where she was, because when she snapped back to reality, she found her hand fondling her own clit....... and he man silently watching. When she noticed this, she he replaced her hand with his, and it started all over again.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Morning Noon and Night (per Twitter's Freaky Friday)

I've been doing this Twitter thing for a minute now. It's kinda fun. I have some of the FUNNIEST friends on there who keep me cracking up all day! And I'm sooo not exaggerating. There is 'theme'/trending topic almost everyday. Wednesdays have kinda become my favorite... it's 'Wet Wednesdays'. Friday has the potential to be just as interesting with it's 'Freaky Friday' theme. A friend posted a blog for Freaky Friday. I kinda said I was going to post one too...1/2 joking 1/2 serious. His response was 'do it and let me know so I can read it'. Seems innocent right? Well you gotta know this cat...LOL I took that as a challenge as if I wouldn't. So, to you Mister- here it is...

Morning, Noon, and Night

In the MORNING, we do as babies do. You begin to know me- I begin to know you. I am lulled by your voice, sedated by your tone, calmed by your scent, adn comforted by your presence. You are feeling the same....This, I already know. Not many words at this stage, not quite at that age. We communicate at this point with long glares and with abundant smiles..... We are at rest.

Before we know it, it's now NOON. Now we do as many teens do. I am enthralled by your voice, teased by your tone, enchanted by your scent and tempted by your presence. And you by mine. We spend endless time making love...not physically, for we are still not yet of that age to know what that truly is. You make love to me mentally, and I to you in exchange. You say things I need ot hear, things I want to hear. I reciprocate... whispering closer and closer to your ear. I notice you begin to tense the closer I draw near. For reasons beyond your control, you reach out and wrap me in you. For reasons beyond mine, I allow your hands to rendezvous about my body. I lay partially beneath you, almost motionless aside from the heavy breathing and the pounding of hearts. I gently reach up and wipe away the sweat that has cluttered your perfect face. We lay.... anxious... in each other's arms.... We are at play.

NIGHT is upon us. We do as adults do. I am beckoned by your voice, enticed by your tone, seduced by your scent, adn overcome by your presence. You- relax and watch me undress.... enjoy the show, 'cause you are next. The skin unites and all sense of life out side is forgotten. I watch you... you watch me. I feel you....when you fill me up with pure thick satisfaction. I am at this point and time, your life and you mine. I try to remain calm and still as you begin to explore with your eyes, lips, your tongue and more. I lost all composure when your north met my south. Sending tremors- all through me. My exploration has now begun. I feel your increased intensity with every kiss, lick and nibble from me. *wink* you're welcome...and thank you. Sweat glistening, pounding- both of hearts and souls, breath and strokes, both deep and long... Trying to hold... don't know for how long.... Each time is better... wetter, and more passionate than before.... We are at work.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Am I crazy?

Okay- So maybe I'm crazy! I don't know what in the world is going on lately in my 'less than perfect' romantic (or lack there of) world. Well, the guy I had been with for years refused to work, so I refused KEEP supporting us both. He's out the door (3 months now). I'm not one of those who sulks and moans and gets depressed, so- I'm ready to move on! LOL I tried, for 5 years (off and on) with that dude darn it!
Well... in the past there were 3 guys I've been involved with at some point in time. 2 of the three I was REALLLLLY into. The 3rd one... ummm I'm STILL kinda out on him. Anyway. One of them likes to just flirt and play games. I welcome that. It would be different if we were still in the same state, but I'm in New Orleans, he's in Nashville. Sadly, I THINK I'm realizing he's not AS into me as I thought and as much as he's pretended to be. Anyway, again... I don't sulk and mope..soooo..
Now- these other two fellas. The one I'm still kinda 'out' on. He's a cool cat. I liked talkin to him, but I must have met him when I was about 24. He was probably 30. As we talked I found out he was a divorcee with 3 kids! THAT thew me off! I wasn't ready for that. And his oldest was about 15! (*disclaimer: I have nothing against divorced people. I just feel you should be true to yourself and do what feels right for you. At that time in my life, I wasn't ready to deal with the 'ex-wives' and 'befriending the kids'. I can't say I'll never date a divorced person... all I'm saying is AT THAT TIME I wasn't ready..) I just wasn't ready for that... so I put him in the 'friend' zone. I mean I'm NOT crazy for that, I was ONLY 24... I wasn't ready to be dating somebody with 3 kids. I don't like to date JUST FOR FUN. I'd like to date a guy I felt could 'go somewhere' ya know? Well tonight, via chat on FB- about 1 minute into the chat session, he types: Man, you know what? I'm tired of this- it's time. Time to stop playing games. You're out of school now- it's time for us to get married."
Am I crazy to think that whole 'you're out of school now' comment was stupid? LOL I mean what's changed? While I was in school I worked and had my stuff together. I didn't 'NEED' him financially then and I don't need him Financially now. So- why even concern yourself with me being in or out of school?
The other guy. Aww man, he was my sweetie! LOL I really liked him. He pretty much won me over on our first date! (I didn't tell him that though- had to make him work a little!). He lived a few hours away, but would hop a flight in a minute to visit me. (yeah- I know...). After a few months, I brought up 'relationships' and his response was, "I like you alot, but you're in school- we can't be together".
Am I crazy to think...'welllll dude, I was in school when you met me, and that didn't stop you then...WHY now?" Am I crazy? Maybe I am!!!
Anyway, so he and I keep in touch. He text me a few days ago saying he would be in my city and wanted to grab dinner or something. Of course I'm down, but that doesn't change the fact that you wanted me but didn't want me because I was in school!
Then he continues with, 'you know V, I was thinking, it's time for us to stop fighting this feeling. You're out of school now. We can proceed- pick up where we left off. I'd love to be married and start havign kids by next year'.
EXCUSE ME?!?!?! you want to do what?!?! with who?!?! and WHY?!?! Am I'm crazy to think that this dude is retarded? He didn't want me just 2 years ago 'be cause I was in school'. OMG are you serious?!?! I wasn't in high school! I wasn't in Junior College! I wasn't even in undergrad! I was in friggin dental school! I wasn't 19, not even 21... I was GROWN..FULLY I was like 26 or 27!
Okay- vent session over! LOL
carry on!

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Tooth, the Whole tooth, so help me DOC!

When I initially started this blog, it was to share my 'dental' stories. Unfortunately, I haven't had any 'FUN' stories until rather lately. This picture I found surely prompted me to write about this past week!
(I was away on rotation at a a student run clinic. Basically, my job is to help the students with extraction techniques, answer their questions, and screen new patients. My first 'new' patient's interview went a little some thing like this.)
ME:'Hello! How are you today! I'm Dr. T. Gonna try to pin point your problem area, go over you medical history, get some forms signed. You ready?
PATIENT (Mr.It Ain't As Bad): Okay Dr. You 'shole is' young to be a Dr, but I'm ready.
So, any heart, lung, liver, kidney problems? Are you Diabetic, Hypertensive?
Naw, Naw, Naw, I'm pretty healthy. They tell me, though I got something called suga (DIABETES!), and nothing else other than my emphysema. (LUNG PROBLEM!)
Okay sir, your med list suggests that you're diabetic or 'you have sugar as you call it', and that you have high blood pressure.
Oh- yeah I had forgot all about that.
Do you smoke? Drink? any illicit drugs?
Smoke? naw, I gave that up. Drink? yeah I get my drank on sometimes. Illicit drugs? Ooohh NO darlin, Ileft that stuff alone when I left Cali...shhooot yeah! I left Cali in 19-hunnid-n-semty5. (1975 for you Northeners!! LOL). Heroin, yes, was addicted that stuff, and I realized I was going down the wrong path, and I gived it up (YES- he said GIVED).
Excellent! Congrats. Now, is there anything else I need to know? It's important tha we know ALL medicines you're currently taking because when working on you teeth we have to give medicine that might work differently if you are on certain meds.
Oh... yeah, I mean, I quit that heroin like I said. but since I've been here, I do a lil crack cocaine... I figure it's only cocaine, at least it's not heroin. But doc, you know I gotta get off that stuff... it's bad for my health.
yes sir, it really is bad for your health! So it's a good idea to stop all of that ya, know?
Yeah, that's why I'm in here now trying to get my teeth fixed. That crack cocaine affectin me so much!
Yeah, it can affect all kinds of things. SO- what happened with your teeth here
Oh... yeah, that's waht I mean when I say it's affectin my health. I was on some cocaine... a good batch too, and I tried to steal some more from my dealer. That s*hit had my head messed up...then he punched me in the mouth and messed my teeth up, now I can't eat. See... that d*mn crack! Messed up my head, my teeth, and my eating ability!
Hmmm that's quite a story!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

HA! New Years Story! (what's yours?)


So here it is 1:20am and I'm wide awake. Not so bad right? WEELLL if you include the full day of work yesterday from 8am-5pm, a nap from 6pm-7pm, sleeplessness from bedtime to 5:30am, to WAKE up time at 6:30am to do an hour drive to work this morning until about 4pm, the hour drive back IN TRAFFIC... I'm home... tired, but not sleepy!

Anyway, that's neither here nor there. A friend and I were talking about 'Best and Worst New Year's Eve/New Year's Day'. I think I shall share my W-O-R-S-T one which ends up being the FUNNIEST one (we realized the humor when we sobered up)... here goes..

The fact that I can't even recall the 'new year' we rang in should alread y clue you in to how 'INTERESTING' this night was! (And how long ago it was, but so interesting, I can remember PARTS of it like yesterday)

(From the" The Hangover"... when I watched this movie, I thought about my NYE night! hehe)

I was in Pearl, MS with my childhood best friends: B and T. Since I had driven from Nashville that day, and T had a new car, we decided that I would NOT drive and we'd cruise the streets in T's new mustang. T was going to be the DD that night because she was going to have a minor surgery that next week and was absolutely sure she wasn't supposed to have any alcohol for a week prior to (shrugs shoulders...oh well... Drive on DD!). Well, B, T, myself and other friends met at B's house to start the night off. As we dressed and did make up, we took shot, after shot, after shot.....after shot... mixed drink... shot.. (you get the picture right?)

Eventually we were all dressed, tipsy and ready to hit the party. The ride there was flawless. (T is NOT a good driver! NOT THAT I WOULD EVER DRIVE DRUNK, BUT if there was a bet on who drives better, ME with one eye taped shut and dddrruunnkkk -vs- T, I'd encourage ALL to put money on me!) We got a close parking spot- perfect because of my 4 inch stilletos, AND because it was quite brisk that night. We got into the party for free (my homie from elememtary school was sponsoring the party). We get in, and instantly find the bar or course, then to the dance floor. Picture here, picture there, laugh, laugh, drink, drink, dance, picture and so on.

This party comes to an end so we pile up in the Mustang to hang out. THIS is when I started take a turn for the FUNNIEST... I do no know how long we drove around after the first 5 minutes. I do remember puttin my head against the back of the passenger seat head rest and BEGGING that who ever was in front of me to "PLEASE LET THE WINDOW DOWN BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO DIE"! (B was in front of me... just like she was on the way there, I just didn't know!) B's house was about 10 miles from the party, but I felt like we had driven for AT LEAST 4 DAYS! LOL ***PLEASE see the 'Sober Notes #1' at the bottom of this post!***

After what seemed to be forever, we FINALLY get to B's place. I remember B jumping out the car and going straight in the house. I remember just sittng there and T finally asked me, 'what are you doing? Get out!" I do remember managing to get out of the car. I literally THREW my shoes to what I THOUGHT was the door of the house. I was able to stand up............. for 0.5 seconds, and I fell. Seems like that fall took a goooood 10 minutes to complete. I remember being on the ground..... why I stayed there, I don't know. I remember seeing break lights **Sober Notes #2**, then I remember jumping up. You'd think I was heading towards the house at this point right? Well- NOPE- WRONG. I some how (and yes, I remember this also) bobbled backwards down the drive way, bounced off the mailbox **Sober Notes #3**, and laid on the hood of my truck! **Sober Notes#4** T was finally able to direct me to the 'light' (door of the house). I do remember CRAWLING in the dewy grass (in slow motion according to T). I DO remember shouting to her 'get my purse, get my purse, my sister gave this to me for Christmas. Don't drop my stuff, get my stuff up!" **Sober Notes #5** I made it in the house just in time to make a drunken mad dash to the bathroom where I flopped down on the toilet! I fell asleep sitting on the toilet with a garbage can in my lap and my face in/resting on the garbage can. I closed my eyes to make the room be still so I could bobble my way to the room.

AAAAHHH! Bed at last!
or maybe not.... :-(

( Fast Forward to the next morning)
The Sober Notes

**#1** I found out that the ride to B's house took so long because they took detours to other clubs just to ride around. I was accused of flipping everybody the 'BIRD' each time we stopped.... the window was already down per my request!

**#2.** I wake up the next morning with a HUGGGEEE impression across my forehead...yep, from sleeping for WHO KNOWS how long with my face pressed against the garbage can rim! As I was trying to detangle myself from the sheets, I felt a very bad sting/burn as the sheets were STUCK TO EACH OF MY ELBOWS!(sigh) I had to rip the sheet off my 'boo boo' from my fall! (Via phone, T eventually explained to me that when I fell, she thought I had gone in right behind B, but she noticed the house door was still open. She said she waited for about 5 minutes or so for one of us to come close it. Neither me nor B did, so T got out her car, walked around the back....and tripped over me! I WAS STILL THERE! (LOL) The break lights that I saw was T putting the car back in park or reverse!!

**#3** The mailbox. Poor Poor mailbox. Apparently when I was stumbling backwards down the drive way, I managed to hit the mailbox so hard until it was at about a 45 degree angle to the ground! To this day, it still has a bit of a 'lean' to it! LOL Apparently, once I bounced and rolled off the mailbox, I went to my truck and laid my upper body on the hood. After I had moved, it was described to me to appear as 'a body outline'! (LOL)

**4** Ahhh yes, the crawl into the house! I was explained to me that I was crawling 'army style' towards the house, all the while holding my new Coach bag over my head. Now is the point in my sobriety that I looked in the purse to find it full of leaves! (LOL I know!). Well, during my crawl, I was trying to pick up 'my stuff' that I THOUGHT I dropped... only, I hadn't dropped anything, it was just leaves.... LOL just leaves!!!!!

**#5** And for the grand finale! In the morning, I managed to squint juuussst right to make it to the bathroom. I step on the bathroom floor,! (HA- bet you thought I was gonna say puke huh?!) Recall the fact that I mentioned 'flopping' on the toilet and falling asleep while there... W-E-L-L turns out, I apparently flopped down so hard that I BROKE HER TOILET! LOL not a 'won't flush' kinda break. I'm talking CHUNK of toilet filling tank shattered on the floor... and bathroom floor flooded! (LOL)I had to conjur up a believable story to tell my parents because I needed THEM to pay for B's toilet! I was a full time student, and working sup-part-time, so I know I didn't have the cash for it. So, B and I decided to tell them that I slipped and fell onto the toilet while getting out of the tub. (Why is this story believable?- because I can be quite the clutz sometimes, so me falling- VERY believable. AND my parents have decided there is a 'right way' and a 'wrong way' to get in and out of a shower. According to them you enter and exit the shower on the end opposite the toilet. Yeah- you guessed it, I ALWAYS go in and out right by the toilet. Not to be defiant, just- it's how I've always done it. So, my story of slippin while getting out the shower was perfect!)

Well, that's pretty much the end of that!

LOL What was your most memorable NYE be it good or bad?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Yeah Yeah Yeah.. I'm long winded.

I was looking over some older blogs... (please- feel free to do the same) and I realized that I type a lot! LOL I was going to say 'SORRY', but ya know what- I'm not sorry! I have a lot to say! I like 'story telling', so that's just what I'll do darn it. I hope that whom ever has followed my blogs, (at last some of them and at least a few part of some...) have enjoyed what I've had to say. Of course, I'm open to critiques. I don't think you can 'grow' in anything without suggestions and different points of view of which to view what YOU like doing. I'm not easily offended, so please... if there is something you think I can do to improve, let me know!

Anyway, this is quite random because there isn't a point at ALL to this blog... just noticed that I try to keep my posts 'shorter', but when I finish, they're normally mini novels! LOL

Happy day folks!
Have a great one- I'm certainly going to try!

Sunday, January 3, 2010


Why do we kid ourselves?

By we, I mean women like me who TRY to do things they aren't capable of doing very succesfully. I'm not afraid nor ashamed to say that I've failed... and failed MISERABLY and am obviously a glutton for punishment as I continue to go back for more.

What I'm talkin bout here is 'casual sex', and denial of deep emotion. Now, by 'casual sex' I'm not referring to the meet the stranger at the bar, take them home, knocked em out, pass out, wake up and never remember who you knocked out anyway. No, I'm referring to the 'casual sex' more so along the lines of 'that crush or special someone you've known for some time, but haven't made an official relationship for what ever reason, but for some other reason, just can't NOT be with or see him/her'.

I'll share my 'situation'. For the sake of this 'story', I'll refer to 'him' as 'T.O.' (no reference at all to the NFLer)
In about 2003 or 2004, I was in one of my classrooms, and saw this VERY TALL, SKINNY dude at the door. We were inside having b-day cake for a classmate. I saw this guy, and he flashed a smile as if to say 'hello'. I smiled back. That's just somethign we do in the south I guess. I noticed he lingered by the door so I finally asked, 'can I help you'? He was just being noesy and wanted to know what we were doing. I told him we were having cake and offerend him a piece. He accpeted, smiled again, said 'thanks, see you around' and walked off.

That day, I told my girlfriend India, 'you saw that guy? Yep- that's my new boyfriend.' Mind you I didn't know his name, he didn't know mine...LOL I was just mesmorized by the smile I guess. A few months later I was at a ball and met a girl who I will refer to as Ms. P. Ms. P. and I became pretty cool after that, and I learned that she actually knew 'my boyfriend T.O.' They actually went to undergrad together...and that's how I learned that my boyfriend's name was 'T.O.A.' Later on, through out the school year, we'd bump into each other around campus and via intramural basketball and such. From what I could tell, he was a cool guy, and well, I was ALREADY interested, but grew more and more intersted as time went on. Problem- I had a boyfriend who didn't live in the same state, SO I didn't act very much on my interest in T.O.

We soon found each other out at the same spots on the weekends. We'd ALWAYS dance with each other. I mean working up a serious sweat on the dance floor. To the point where my friend India would just shake her head at us and would always make the comment, 'Ya'll need to just get a room...ya'll dry sexin on the dance floor!". We'd just kinda laugh it off, all the while knowing that we BOTH would have preferred a room and would have preferred more that the 'dry sexin on the dance floor'. We danced so much and so often that people around campus started assuming we were a couple or that we 'had something going on', although, at that time, it was nothing.

One day, India decided that she was going to tell him that I was crazy about him, but I wouldn't say it to him on my own because I had a bf. She did tell him and his response, as I remember it (via India) was, 'Really, wow! That's cool... hmmm she's attractive and all. No, I don't have a gf, but there is somebody 'special' in my life though.' When India told me I was a lil saddened...EVEN THOUGH I did have a bf! (Crazy huh?) Fast forward to September that same year-- We all went to a party that he celebrated his birthday at that year. When I got there and saw him, of course we greeted each other with a hug and a joke or something. By the time I got there, he was already deep in the libations! I didn't mind though, I was used to this side of T.O. It made the night more fun! (Note: we always were 'responsibile... always had a DD) I got him and I a shot to celebrate his bday. He sat beside me, leaned over to me and whispered in my ear the ODDEST thing. He said, 'Hey, I had on my PhD shirt today (he is in grad school for PhD)." I said, 'umm okay, why in the WORLD did you just whisper that to me?" He says, 'because you need to guess what PhD means.' I had NO idea, so I didn't guess. He said, 'it means Pretty Huge Dick'. He proceeds to lick my WHOLE left side of my face and get up and run off! LOL I know crazy! (He's in a fraternity that is known for being 'dirty and nasty' and they are known to 'lick people at random' sometimes). Well the night ended abruptly when a fight broke out. We went our separate ways until about 30 minutes later when I got a call from him asking what our next move was. We had no plans, so I told him we were all going home. He invited us over, but we declined because it was very late (prob 2 am). He then said, 'well, I'm coming to your house..we can watch a movie'. I knew all along that there would be NO movie watching, especially with the state he was in, and the state I was in! (My bf and I had broken up a while prior to this). He gets there, we watch about 10 minutes of the movie before we started making out own in a sense!

I found out later that his 'special someone' had turned into his gf and so I backed off...some. (I know I know... not nice right?!?! but neither did he) We didn't do anything 'bad' other than a harmless flirt or a 'eye' from time to time and of course we danced and laughed when we were out. More time passes, and before you know it, we're back where we started. This would be the 2nd time of our 'sexual encounter'. I was HOPING that we'd make something major out of this. I mean the chemistry was definitely there, pre sex. I was okay with the sexual situation for a while. I told him that IF in the even that I felt like it was too much for me, that I'd have to leave him alone, because I liked him just that much. I THOUGHT I was going to be able to handle that kind of relationship, but learned later on that it would be much harder than I could have ever imagined.

My ex-bf and I got back together for a time, so again, T.O. and I were distantly flirting still. Again, my bf and I parted ways, which opened the T.O. and me situation to go again. This time I tell him and myself the same thing- I don't know if I can handle casual sex like this, but I like you so much...I'm going to try, if it's too much I'm going to leave you alone. That was September of 2008, and to this day, he and I STILL manage to find each other. As a matter of fact, the last time was November 2009 and we don't even live in the same state anymore. AND we've even entertained the idea of 'visiting each other'.

It drives me crazy knowing that he's way up there in TN and I'm down here in New Orleans. It drives me crazy to know that we aren't official, yet when ever we're close enough to each other , we see each other. What's the problem?

The most recent episode that made me rethink this was in ATL. My friend India and I went to ATL for the SAINTS/FALCONS game in Dec. I didn't know that he and his boys were coming too (well, not until all travel plans has been made). We had talked about hooking up of course. Friday- no T.O. Saturday, no T.O. I see our mutual friends at a party that night, but still no T.O. Because our 'situation' has been kind of 'hush hush', I didn't ask his friends where he was (I can't lead on that I'm OVERLY concerned ya know! :-) ). Well my friend India asked one of T.O.'s friends where he was (no, I didn't have her ask, she just knew he was in town, knew those were his boys and she hadn't seen him in 2 years, so she was literally, 'just asking'). Well his boy's response, that I happened to walk in on was, 'Oh, T.O. man, that dude is boo'd up tonight, he not coming. He's got a little friend down here [ATL]. I kinda wander off a while to not let my disappointment show so that nobody would ask 'what's wrong'.

I recently told him how disappointed I was in having to have heard that convo. He apologized for me over hearing it. (Sigh). I appreciated that apology, but would certainly appreciate HIM to my self more. I knew full well I had no basis to go in on him about the other girl in ATL because we are not a couple. We are single, he can do what ever he wants to do. Why do I kid myself by 'holding out in hopes of him and him alone?'

Am I kidding myself? Do I love this guy? Is this why my relationship did work out with the ex? Am I overly infactuated with this guy? Am I fighting a losing battle hoping and wishing that the chemistry between us catches fire? Am I kidding myself hoping that he'll eventually fall for me like I've fallen for him?

I think I think about him so much until I've created a different persona in my mind than what he may really be? Maybe? hmmmm? He's pretty much what I THINK I need in my life as far as a man. Tall, dark, handsome, killer smile, athletic, family oriented, very well educated, own place, own car, likes kids, self motivated, very caring, funny, cuddly and the works. Am I kidding myself to think that all of this can be for me exclusively? Damn it! I HATE not KNOWING!

Why do we put ourselves in situations like this? I mean, I KNOW he's not my boyfriend, yet I get just as angry if I hear he's out with another girl as if he IS. I make time for him. He USUALLY makes time for me (the ATL situation was a new thing... HOPEFULLY a one time mishap). I'm actually entertaining the idea of a visit soon. Am I kidding myself to think that ANYTHING will EVER fully develop of this situation other than hot sex and fun flirting? He'll be graduating soon and PROBABLY heading back up north where his home is (DC area). I was thinking, had we developed something more prior to me moving, I wouldn't have had a problem moving with him back to DC and I'm a southern girl to my heart! Or if not to DC, I would have been open to discussing a 1/2 way point between his home (DC) and my home (MS). Am I kidding myself to think something like this could still happen?

Okay- that will be all!

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year, Same Single me... BLAH!

It's a new year and guess what! I'm still flippin single! (aarrrgghh) What in the world do I need to do? Like seriously!!

Here's what I have:
-30 years old
-no children
-no drama
-great career
-own car
-own apt (soon to be house in a few more months)
-very giving and caring
-quite family oriented
And that's just a LITTLE bit of me... SOOO much more the more you are around me and get to know me.

In Nov 2009, I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend. He was a cool guy, I can't deny that, but so many things needed to be improved or changed. We had been together off and on for 5 years. I moved to New Orleans in July 09 for my residency program, where he is from. We spent a lot of time together. A month later, he quit his job. (Oh- yeah, so he's like 4 years younger than me, still in undergrad, was living wiht his parents until I moved here. He was never very good with money, but was always fun as hell and very attentive and 'loving'.) Anyway. He moved in with me after aobut 3 weeks. I was excited- it was the first time we had lived in the same city since we met. After about 4 weeks after moving there, he decided to quit his job- WITHOUT HAVING ANOTHER ONE LINED UP...AND AGAINST MY SUGGESTION OF WAITING UNTIL HE HAD ANOTHER JOB! Okay, so I was trying to be the 'supportive girlfriend' and take care of the bills. Take care of everything x 2. Mind you, I'm a resident- SOOO not making a WHOLE LOT of money, but I tried. I encouraged him weekly to look for a job. He'd ask me DAILY to 'borrow' money. I'd foolishly give it to him. He got on a kick where he was 'going to job fairs', so I got him some slacks, a nice shirt, a nice tie, adn some shoes for his job fairs and interview. Even helped him get is resume together... (Again, me doing what I THOUGHT was 'supportive girlfriend stuff'). 3 months later, I'm STILL handing him 'loans'. I'm still paying for ALLLL the food he gobbles up (he had a stupid habit of "smoking" and getting VERY VERY hungry afterwards -wink-, so he ate everything in sight... and NEVER replaced anything). SO I'd get home from work hoping to have a snack- and it's GONE! (SIGH). Eventually he and I had huge fight about my 'relationship status' on FB (yes LOL on FB people). It was 'single' Why? I don't know- I just never changed it and everybody on there that I talk to, knew about him, so I never thought much of it. When he told me it pissed him off, I told him I'd change it. THAT WASN'T ENOUGH for him..he yelled and bitched for an hour more... (sigh). I change it..and a few months later he wants to yell about how WE sit on the sofa and WE play on my FB account. He claims I 'never give him attention'. WHAT?!?! All we do is goof off and what not. He wants to complain that I go to bed too early and that I always left him on the sofa. WEEELLL HELLO STUPID- I work everyday- you don't You don't have to sleep at night! ANDDD YOU opt to go out and smoke then come home and pass out on the sofa...NOPE- not gonna wake u up like a 5 year old every night. ANYWAY...
We end up parting ways because of his refusal to grow up and accept responsibility as a man..and as the man he COULD BE, the one I NEEDED him to be, for me and for us. I haven't felt particularly sad about it though, because I think it was something that needed to be done...

On the flip side...there's a guy (my crush I've written about before) I've know just as long as I've known the ex. Me and this guy have been involved over time too (about 5 years...mainly during the extended months/year or what ever the ex and I weren't together). I know this guy has more of the attributes I desire in a man (i.e. tall, dark, handsome, killer smile, very driven, PhD candidate May 2010, funny, athletic, sweet, family oriented...). I know he likes me, we've spoken about it. We chit chat from time to time and everything... but WHAT THE HELL DOES HE WANT FROM ME? LOL He knows how I feel about him, yet he doesn't really act on it.

My question is: do you not act because you are just that shy? Do you not act because you really aren't that into me, but you act like it? DO you not act on it because you do like me, might want to give it a try, but we live far apart? Do you not act because you do like me, very intereted in giving it a try, just not READY for the whole 'one woman' thing right now? I don't know!

I guess I won't know for a while either huh? so until then, I'll be pretty much like the cartoon at the top...LOL single and waiting to catch the perfect man!