Sunday, December 20, 2009

My Crush and 3 questions you all need to answer for me!

Having a crush on someone is like putting your heart in a Ziploc bag and checking it at the airport luggage counter. There is a chance it will make the trip and come out unscathed, but there is a much greater chance that it will be bruised in some way.

So people... I have this crush. YES- Im' 30 damn years old with a crush. LOL Well, I'm not sure if it's considered a crush, because he knows, we know, we've been 'involved' to an extent, but nothing has majorly developed. (sigh) I'm not sure why really. At times during this 5 year 'crush' period, there have been periods when he's been involved with another woman/women and me with another man/men. During those times, my crush and I didn't interact a whole lot. He's my friend, so we would speak and what not, but none of the super heavy flirting we tend to do when we're single.

Recently, I became newly single again, and of course the 'crush' was instantly at the front of my mind. He never left my mind really, but I packed him a lil further back to focus on the on-again off-again relationship I was in. (A relationship that was on/off for 5 years). Crazy that I met the ex and the crush around the same time. I found out that the crush had a 'special someone' at the time, so I didn't trip... I just 'lived' and that living linked me to the recent ex. Anyway- So recently I broke up with the bf. The crush and I started our 'goofing off' again (via text and twitter mostly). He ended up in my city, and I saw him. More of the flirting and what not- as usual.

One weekend, my friends and I went to Atl for the Saints Falcons game. So did the crush and his friends. The plan was for me and the crush to hook up and hang out a minute. (We did live in the same city, I graduated, and moved away. He's in the city still and will move when he graduates in May- just not sure where he's going though). Anyway, one night of the weekend, my girls and I went out. We contacted the crush and his friends and pretty much went to where they were. I get there and the crush wasn't there. Me, being the 'cool chick' that I am ;-) didn't ask about him. I just tried to have a lil fun. (I was, however, quite disappointed because I wanted to see him ya know). I didn't ask because of the people in town with the ex, only 2 of the people knew of our 'flings'. The others didn't know (or at least I don't think they know). My friend and I were standing and just looking. One of the Crush's friends came by us and my girl asks, 'so where is *crush*?'. The friend, in a drunken slur says, 'Oh, mannn *crush* is all boo'd up, he's got a little friend here in ATL'. ME- (shocked face and disappointed face and angry face and jealous face)! Well, I TRIED my damnedest to keep it together, I think I did alright. When I over heard it, I sent crush a message asking, 'hmm, where are you? the gang's all here but you. You too drunk or too good to hang out tonight'? NO RESPONSE! I continued to chill and such. We finally leave for home. The next morning, I see on twitter a message from crush, 'got some good sleep, ready for the game now'. Then moments later I get a text response, 'yep- I was too drunk and too good LOL :-), are you going to the game?'. I respond, 'umm hmm, you were probably laid up with some jezzybell. yeah we're going to the game'. His response, 'yeah I prob was'. Me- WTF!?!?! Anyway, I don't THINK I reacted much, I tried to surpress my issues with this weekend! I go to the game, enoy it as usual. After the game we head home- Me to NOLA, my friends to Shreveport. I drove the WHOLE 8.5 hours with my mind racing about the happenings.

OMG- what to do what to do?!?!
#1- can I rightfully tell the crush I KNOW he was not telling the truth about 'sleeping all night'? That I KNOW he was out with some girl? I mean he is NOT my 'man'...

#2- My feelings were hurt by that. The crush IS my 'friend', can I say somethign about my feelings being hurt? I mean he IS my friend, my crush, and he is VERY aware of how I feel about him.

#3- How in the world am I supposed to go about getting this thing solidified between us or letting it completely go? I don't get it! I like hanging out with him when we are together... I miss him terribly since we've been apart. I wanna tell him all of this stuff, but he's so friggin quiet until I'm not sure if the quiet means 'so what' or if the quiet means, 'hmmm I feel the same'. WHAT TO DO WHAT TO DO?!?! sheesh!

From here on out...the rest is just a piece I found about 'crushes'. If you care to read on, have at it..if not..offer your advice/answers to the 3 questions please..
That will be all...

What is a crush
A crush involves admiring someone from a safe distance. You feel a hugely powerful emotion, stronger than anything you've felt before. You obsess over this person. You would die for them. You think about them constantly. You are thrilled when you are near them and miserable when you are away from them. You desperately want to tell the person how you feel - but are frightened of it at the same time.

If you're involved in a crush - enjoy it! We have ALL had crushes over the years and they're something you look back on with great fondness. Look at what makes your crush special. Those qualities that you admire in your crush are qualities that are very special to you, and it's very important to learn what those are. It helps you when you look for a real boyfriend or girlfriend to date, to know what you are drawn to.

Also, learn how to handle your feelings. Most of what a crush is about is learning that you get POWERFUL emotions in relationships - and that you need to deal with them. Just like you learned in earlier years how to deal with strong anger and strong sadness, you're now learning how to deal with strong feelings of attraction. You're learning that it's a nice feeling - but that it's a painful feeling if you let it take over your life. You need to be able to balance those feelings with the rest of what is going on in your world.

As hard as it might seem right now, your feelings for your crush will even out over time. It usually takes a few weeks to a few months, but you will learn to bring them under control. And as you learn more about life, you will find someone that is your own age, and actually someone you can *date* to start to become interested in. When that's the case, you can work to be their friend, and then their best friend. And it's at that point that your interests change from a crush to a real, meaningful relationship.

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