.
At the age of 21 -
I want to thank Mr. Liar for helping me conjur up strength that I never knew I had. Although it sucked that I devoted close to 8 years of my life to you and to us. I thank you for deciding to cheat, get her pregnant and eventually marry her. By you doing that, I realized there was more for me. Thanks for indirectly motivating me continue with my educational career and become who I am now. I don't doubt that you loved me for a time. I loved you too, I'm just thankful that somewhere along the line, after the hurt and pain, I was able to forgive you, move on and thrive. Thanks for helping me discover more of my determination and more of my strength..
To my girls (JCJC mainly) Bridgett, Tamikia, Pam, Ann, Janu, Tangie (and the rest of ya'll...) no need to really go into much, ya'll know I love ya'll and I L-O-V-E the foolishness we created! LOL and thanks for helping me through the situation with Mr. Liar... Ya'll know who he is!
.
During my JSU years
To all of the people I met there- thanks for the memories and the fun times! To the JSU Insatiables... fun times people- fun times. To you, Mr. You Know Who You Are. I've already thanked you for not telling me the truth before, and for again, forcing me to dig deep inside of me to strengthen myself more, so I won't go all into that again... :-) What I will do is say, on a more serious note is thanks for becoming one of my best friends. LOL crazy how I hated you and wanted to run you over with my car a few times and how I wanted to stab you with my rattail comb has turned into such a great friendship. Thanks man! ;-).
.
My JSU girls: Erica Young Fraizer, Lynsi, Teri Lowe, Sherlynda (and the others), thanks for making my transition to JSU so easy and interesting folks! ERICA- hands down bestest roommate ever! Oh the memories!!! LOL
.
My Dear Old Meharry Days
The good, the bad and the ugly. Thanks a lot to MEHARRY in general. Thanks for giving me the instruction I needed to become a sucessful dentist. Thanks again for REPEATEDLY forcing me to teach my self stress relief methods. Thanks Meharry for reminding me that there are beings and powers greater than the hands, minds, and people floating through the halls at MMC. That God took care of everything. That was the main thing that helped me rest at night. To all the folks I met there and don't talk to much any more... WHY?!?! To the folks I met there and still keep in touch with, well ya know it's pretty much friendships til the end. To Mr. I Didn't Know (you probably won't know this is in reference to you either...LOL slowest nerd I've EVER met in life I swear!)... Yeah, you....thanks for the distractions, they were very much needed! Thanks for also making me more confused about things than I was while sitting in biochemistry! To this DAY I still don't really know what's going on, but for what ever reason, the confusion adds to the silent mystery that happens to be you. (Shrugs shoulders), I guess it adds to the attraction too I reckon- YES I said RECKON because it IS a word. India, Danielle D, Beverly- I'd most def say my MMC BFF's... nuff said. Er'body else... oh well MMC pretty much has bond us... so you just gotta deal with me saying 'hi' from here til the time we leave this earth! If you don't like it... delete my number! ( :-) )
.
As I enter the 'dirty 30's', I hope to continue to attaining each goal I set. I try not to complain, but I do have 'concerns'. I have done so much. I have accomplished so much. I am one day shy of being 30 years old. No children. Job I love. Food at any given time. Shelter. Clothes and shoes in abundance. I'm healthy (other than these knees of mine... darn ACL surgeries). I'm attractive (if I do say so myself...annnd i DO!). I'm fun. I'm funny. I'm easy to get along with. Yet- I'm single. Go Figure! Can't figure out, especially at this point, what the problem is. I can NOT for the life of me get a grasp on what I'm doing wrong, or what I'm not doing enough of, or too much of. Do I give up on them (men in my life... past and/or present) too easily? Do I hang on too long- always giving second chances- giving them a 'pass' to keep messing up, not progressing? Am I too hard on them- demanding bettering themselves in order to better us? Am I supposed to 'settle' for 'an okay' guy and HOPE he 'changes'? Am I supposed to 'dumb myself' down to get a guy? WHAT IN THE WORLD is wrong- with me? with them? Answers?!?! Ideas? I am pretty much at a loss...
.
There have been a total of 4 men in my life who've I've felt intense feelings for. I mentioned 3 a little while ago. I met Mr. Liar in 1st grade! He was my bf off and on from about 6th grade-sophomore year of college. At some point I OBVIOUSLY got too comfortable, thinking we'd made it. Especially after we'd talked about marriage since sr. year of high school! HA- I guess our discussions about marriage laid the foundation for his marriage to the other girl! LOL. OF which I found out about the engagement on my 21st bday, while I was waiting on him to pick me up for my b-day dinner! Happy Birthday to me huh?!? (He did finally apologize for the lies and the hurt and pain he caused me... took about 7 or 8 years though...)
.
Mr. You Know Who You Are- in retrospect, started proably as a 'rebound' as I met him about 2 months after the Mr. Liar situation. Turns out though that Mr. You Know Who You Are kept my attention for a year or longer...turned out to be a pretty decent fella. That is until, around my 22 or 23rd bday, I heard about HIS girlfriend. YEP ya heard it, at my b-day AGAIN-and another girlfriend behind my back. We had beef for a minute, but eventually made up. He apologized almost instantly. I accepted it, but still didnt' talk to him for a while. I mean what?!?!I'm human! I was hurt...again. Bounced back, and oddly, gained a pretty good friend outta all the pain.
.
Mr. I Didn't Know came along a bit later. Saw this guy at school one day. Decided then that his name would be 'Boyfriend'. LOL (I referred to him as this to my friends until I actually learned his name...). Anyway, I was kinda seeing somebody at the time I met 'Boyfriend', so wasn't a whole lotta action between me and Mr. I Didn't Know until or unless we were both single. He because probably- to this day, my favorite flirt friend and dance buddy. My attraction to him confuses me. We hardly talk, but when we do, it's always interesting and fun. We rarely see each other, but when we do/did, it was always the most fun! He's comical, smart, driven, athletic, attractive, and very sweet, rather quiet (which is a little unnerving for me), and just all around 'good people'. So- what's the problem you ask? HELL- I dont' know either! LOL He's so quiet, he never actually SAYS 'how he's feeling'. He's so hard to read. I can't tell how interested, if interested at all. What to do what to do?!?! Ask him, hmmm? Sure thing. Problem is, responses that never realllly answer. (shrugs shoulders- go figure). The words aren't there much, but actions while together speaks volumns, but it stops there. What am I missing? Hmmm? Anybody?
.
Mr. Off and On. My current 'ex' situation. Guy is cool people. Been 5 years off and on. Love the guy. On a scale of 1-10, he's an easy 7.5 most days. Ended up having to part ways very recently (wouldn't you know it....a week ago... again around my b-day. Do I have a relationship Birthday curse?!?!? Always glad to have another birthday, but dang it... can I make it through one WITH a relationship in tact... is that too much to ask for?). I guess I need him to grow up. I dont' know. But not sure I'm willing to wait for this to happen. Time out for games....
.
If I could, I'd magically combine Mr. I Didn't Know and Mr. Off and On. Somehow incorporate Mr. Off and On's attention and CONSISTANT affection into Mr. I Didn't Know. Or Mr. I Didn't Know's drive and intellect into Mr. Off and On. Until that technology comes along... looks like Imma roll solo. I can't settle for 50% of what it is I NEED from a man when I can continue with the 100% I'm getting from me. (sigh).
.
Happy Birthday Me!
No comments:
Post a Comment